I’m a Genius, Knowing Your Audience and The Oogieloves FAIL

A little over a year ago I started seeing a massive media campaign for what looked like one of the stupidest movies ever conceived. Of course I’m talking about The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure.


Ahhhhhh, so this is what the inside of Big Bird’s colon looks like!

This movie was brought to the screen courtesy of producer Ken Viselman, who you might know as the guy behind The Teletubbies.  The poster however isn’t enough to get across the crux of what I’m going to discuss here.  You simply MUST watch the “epic” trailer here:

Oogieloves Trailer (Caution, may cause uncontrollable white hot rage.)

Important Life Lesson:  I took a marketing class in undergrad which I rarely attended and scraped by with a B or C in (don’t remember due to busy bar-hopping schedule.)  Despite this, I did take away that you need to know your audience when you want to market your content/product/whatever to them.  I’ll preface this by saying that NO, I am not a parent.  I do have several friends who are however, as well as the two cutest nieces in the the entire world.

Parents are the audience because they’re buying the tickets. (Children are also the audience but typically can’t shell out $13 bucks for a movie ticket and drive themselves to the theater.)

WHY in the Sam’s Hell would you EVER market a theater movie for little kids that was interactive.  Parents take their kids to the movies to shut them up.  They want 90 minutes of respite from the crying, pooping, hitting and screaming that comes with any kid thats of the age to appreciate a piece of shit like this. They don’t want to be standing, singing and subsequently racing to the hospital after their kid falls down the stadium seating stairs.


Hey kids: Dance like nobody’s watching, especially your parents.

Captain Hook said it best.

Captain Hook Drops Knowledge (Full movie of Hook, Fast Forward to 1:09:10)


“How many times do I have to tell you, stop wiping your ass on the couch cushions!” (A youth rebels when mother won’t take him to the Oogieloves premier.)

When parents get tired they rely on good ole fashioned tv, movies and Benadryl to quiet the little tikes.  OR you could take a more progressive approach employeed by Brian Griffin from Family Guy. Harsh But Effective

Why is all of this so important?  Well.  Oogieloves cost $60 million dollars TOTAL including marketing and advertising to make. And how much money did it make at the box office?  Drumroll….

Dr. Evil tells you how much The Oogieloves made in this 5 second clip.

For all you return on investment enthusiasts out there that’s -98.3% ROI.

This brings us to the climax of the article. My genius.  You can’t really put a price on genius…UNTIL NOW. Had the producers brought me on board I would have given them this one piece of advice:  “GET YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR ASSES AND WIPE THIS TURD OFF YOUR DEVELOPMENT SLATE!” Boom. $59 Million dollars saved.  No need to thank me, it’s what I do.


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